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, by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
Download Ebook , by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
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Product details
File Size: 2690 KB
Print Length: 530 pages
Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks; 3rd ed. edition (September 8, 2015)
Publication Date: September 8, 2015
Sold by: HarperCollins Publishers
Language: English
ASIN: B00R1R63QK
Text-to-Speech:
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#26,781 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
This book has been SO WONDERFUL!!!!!!! I have the second edition from a year ago and it has tons of markings in it. So far, I haven't compared the two editions to see how different they are.I'm so grateful for the tools and mindset that this book gave me. I felt punished every day for over a year. "Why did I have to get this child? I don't want this one. Take him back, please!" I also had terrible postpartum depression at the time, which made everything worse than it already was, plus my son had one of the five worst cases of colic I've ever heard of, and I've heard a LOT of stories of people trying to sympathize but being unable to even imagine the hell we went through in our son's first year.(By the way, we feel like our son's nature contributed to the colic and other first-year problems, which is part of why the book has been able to help. He was persistent and knew exactly what he wanted, but he couldn't express it. His body is irregular but needed some degree of regularity imposed so he would sleep at all. He is very sensitive to how much sleep he gets. He is energetic and intense and could scream for three hours straight without falling asleep. He didn't know how to cope with big emotions in a little body, so he screamed more. But now he is two years old and really a joy.)Now, we have a wonderful, curious, passionate, loving, interesting, smart, adorable little two-year-old.The most helpful things were these:1) The book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child saved our lives first. It got our son sleeping AT ALL and then sleeping on a predictable schedule, which we all desperately needed. After he was rested, we could finally start working on other things.2) Sign language. We started signing before he was even 8 months old, and it helped immensely. Our son is very spirited and knows EXACTLY what he wants. It was absolutely crucial that we were able to communicate with him to figure out what he wanted.3) This book. A) As I was pulling out of my postpartum depression, it was crucial that I reframe my thinking about my son. I loved the early chapter on using positive labels for our kids - determined instead of inflexible, curious rather than dragging his feet, spirited instead of hellish (yes, I did say that one), energetic instead of drives me crazy, and so forth. B) The chapter on tantrums has helped immensely. He just turned two, which is when many people see tantrums. Not with a spirited child! Anyone with a spirited child knows that the "tantrums" -- the incessant screaming for three hours, the strength of a four year old when your infant hits you in anger -- start at birth. For months, several times a day, I have been using the author's suggestions for tantrums. Not only are her specific strategies helpful (hold him, talk him through it, name the emotions for him, tell him he doesn't have to deal with the emotions on his own) but also the mindset she describes. I don't know how many times I've told myself lines from the book:--"He will be a WONDERFUL adult. This trait is difficult to parent, but it will make a wonderful adult and friend later."--"This isn't a personal attack. He is overwhelmed with his intense emotions and needs me to teach him how to cope. He's not trying to punish me."--"My child is in a spillover tantrum. I don't need to go there, too."--"Stop and think, listen, talk to him. What part of his nature has just been threatened?" C) Feeling less alone was wonderful. I hate it when the old ladies nod their heads and are like, "Yes, kids are difficult," and smile. My grandmas said that until they were around my son for more than two hours straight. Then they said, "Oh my goodness, does he EVER stop moving? No wonder you have him in daycare! You would physically break down and have no energy left if you tried to follow him everywhere." I love reading this book and being like, "No, my kid isn't a freak. He's just more spirited and energetic than most people can imagine, so when they say those trite, idiotic phrases, I can just let it go. They are talking about a different kind of child. My child is like five of their children. I can let it go."All in all, I am SO GRATEFUL that the author wrote this book. It has really saved us.And now, as he is turning two years old, he is better than ever. I promise, it's possible! I LOVE my passionate, intense, loving, curious little guy! He reminds me of myself and his dad (we were both spirited children). Our beginning was absolute hell, but with good tools, including this book, he has gotten better and better. On good days, I can't imagine a more perfect, wonderful child. Mary is right - we ARE the lucky ones! I can't imagine having a dull, uninterested, passive child.Of course, on bad days, I want to drive to my parents' house and leave him there for a week. But we have tools now to work through it, and we're doing alright. Life is so much better now.(p.s. do not feel guilty if you need to put your energetic, social child into daycare. I remind myself, "I take care of myself and do what I need while he's at daycare so that when he gets home, I can be the mom I want to be. Because he is in daycare and I am able to do my self-care, our interactions are positive mostly. If I were watching him at home all day, we would never have a single positive interaction in a day. Daycare supports his curious, energetic, social, sensitive nature.)
I have 2 beautiful, spirited Irish twin boys (ages 5 & 6) that are at constant odds and competition with each other. When one is high the other is low and vis versa. Not only that but they both carry extrovert personalities where I am an introvert. My communication as a single mom was severely broken and I was loosing confidence that I could handle them. Not only that but with 50/50 custody it was difficult to establish routine bc no sooner would it be established then they would return to their dad.Despair sent me to my counselor who recommended this and another book to me for some light reading. Light bulb. I discovered there are more of you out there with beautiful, vibrant, spirited children. The very first chapter helped me develope a different mindset towards their spirit. I had no idea how my own theought contributed so significantly to my tone and response to my boys. First week was tough——they still had meltdowns. Week 2 fewer meltdowns——-week 3 even fewer. After reading further I began using my own humor to lighten up the room when the “yellow†threat zone was beginning. I stopped a meltdown one night at the dinner table by being absolutely silly—-immediately breaking tension and filling the room with laughter.Please read this book. You are not alone. If you are even considering reading something to be a better parent that displays leaps and bounds of at you want for your children. Do it. Read it. So worth it and I’m only on chapter 8.
This book helped me through raising a very spirited child and I often buy a copy to give to people that find themselves in a similar situation as I was. What this book allowed me to do is relax and follow my heart. I was able to put aside what other people thought and just focus on a happy relationship with my child. The biggest help was that it allowed me to assess a situation (such as going into a restaurant meant for kids that could sit still) and say to myself, this is not a situation my child will succeed in and then just say no to the invitation without any guilt. If you find that your life is out of control with your little handful, this book will help you see it from their perspective and adjust your day to day activities to help everyone be successful.
If you have noticed that your child is a little different than others, or your parenting aligns with your peers but your results are different, this book can change a lot for you! I felt like I was struggling nearly every day not only with understanding my child, but with discipline and management. I felt like the tools I came with as a parent were deficient... this book helped me make the shift to the type of parenting a Spirited Child needs. I especially love the positive language the book offers becauae that’s so important with teachers ans caregivers— attitudes are truly contagious!This book is the bible of parenting a Spirited Child, and it was the first step for me in my own journey to become the type of parent I envisioned. If you have been frustrated and failing to find answers, this book is probably for you. This helped me to an even better relationship with my child, better parenting, and relief, overall. Click purchase!
I read this book about a year ago when my daughter was around 1.5 yo and just reread it at 2.5 yo. Some of the techniques and expectation setting (both for you and the child) described in the book have been monumental in us having smooth pleasant days. For example, I didn't even notice until I reread the book, that I'm constantly giving her 5-10, then 2, then 1 minute warnings before we have to go do something new because simply telling her "it's time for lunch" would never work. It was also tremendously helpful to me to read about the fact that many of her "quirks" are pretty normal... for a spirited child :). Great book, completely worth the time and money investment.
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